Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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