when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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