When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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