Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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