i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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