she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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