I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize