Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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