Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize