Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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