I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
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my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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