my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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