PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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