Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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