just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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