For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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