Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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