A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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