It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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