Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize