hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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