I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize