the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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