Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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