Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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