Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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