were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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