So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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