I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize