so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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