I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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