just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize