he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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