You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize