my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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