Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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