and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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