HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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