totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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