Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize