WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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