dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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