I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize