At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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