I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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