before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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