if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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