Buhtt sex?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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