in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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