Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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